Family

We cannot control what families we are born into. They are really just our doorway in. The experiences that follow will be unscripted even as each of us will await our cues, hit our marks, and find our light. I have known people who have regretted abundant wealth or intimate relationships, but I have never met anyone who felt other than blessed for having a childhood where they were nurtured and appreciated. Loved early and often with genuine attention to their dreams, needs, and fears.

This all begins with the willing sacrifices of parents: offering their time, altering their life trajectory, with no guarantee as to outcome. By necessity, this has to be very hard to do. And yet, it will always be in the interests of our society to make this journey as easy as possible. So how are we doing with that?

Here's a statistic that’s likely to resonate whatever age or role you find yourself in currently. In 1935, the average working man had 40 hours a week to spend freely, including a generous segment of the weekend. By 1990, this had dwindled down to a mere 17 hours a week. Those 23 hours of free time lost would have included space for an individual to expand upon being a loving involved father.

Since this study was completed a generation ago and focused only on working men, it might be a good idea to widen the lens – although given current trends you might want to spare yourself the view through the aperture. In the absence of universal family leave, in the presence of service jobs that require balancing two, even three, to make ends meet, what time or energy might conceivably be available for the most important service job of all: being parent to a growing child. It is the most essential job. It is the most courageous job. And increasingly, it is becoming the most impossible.

Children make enormous demands before they can even speak them. Parents – adding in the responsibilities of their own careers, their own dreams – bear a weight that is at once a burden and a grounding. The family is our age-old response to this brief life on earth: yours, theirs, all of ours. No, we cannot control the families we are born into any more than we can control the families we have built. But we continue to believe we can – blessed by the presence of the family in our lives in the same way we are blessed by all of its illusions.

Song, Artist, Album

Teach Your Children, CSN&Y, Deja Vu

Mom And Dad Waltz, Willie Nelson, To Lefty From Willie

Daddy Sang Bass, Johnny Cash, The Essential

The Fishin’ Hole, Andy Griffith, Songs, Themes, and Laughs

I’ll Be There, Jackson 5, Pure Michael

Family Tradition, Hank Williams Jr., Greatest Hits

Black Sheep, John Anderson, Greatest Hits

Nobody Loves Me But My Mother, B.B. King, Indianola

New Mama, Neil Young, Tonight’s The Night

Mama Said, Shirelles, 20 Greatest

Julia, Beatles, White Album

Remember When, Alan Jackson, Greatest Hits II