Parents: How To Prepare For & Excel In A Parent-Teacher Conference

In some ways, educating a child is like working on a puzzle – and it’s up to policymakers at the federal and state level, along with principals, teachers and parents, to piece it all together. This month, two of those stakeholders will talk strategy during parent-teacher conferences.

Continuing our dive into how to make the most out of these meetings, today StateImpact shares some tips on how parents can get the most out of their time meeting with teachers.

Why Are Parents Nervous About These Conferences?

Amber Kent’s twin sons are in third grade in the Monroe County Community School Corporation. Kent gets nervous every year for parent teacher conferences because of past experiences where she was surprised by what the teacher brought up. (Photo Credit: Claire McInerny/StateImpact Indiana)

The stress around parent-teacher conferences started for Amber Kent when her now third grade twin sons were in kindergarten.

“One of my son’s teachers told us that she thought that maybe he was too immature for school and he’d probably have to repeat kindergarten, at the end of the first nine weeks,” Kent says.

Kent and her husband felt blindsided by the conversation. They wished they’d known sooner.

“We just kind of looked at each other and were thinking to ourselves, that seems kind of premature,” she recalls.

Fast forward to the next school year and the same thing happened again. So now, whenever parent-teacher conferences approach, she feels dread.

“We have our parent-teacher conferences next week, and I’m like, ‘ugh what’s going to come up this time? What’s going to happen?'” Kent says. “I get kind of upset in my stomach.”

Of all people, Kent would be one of the last you’d expect to be nervous. She’s a former educator and her husband teaches in the Monroe County Community School Corporation, where their sons attend school – but still, the idea of sitting down with the boys’ teachers makes her anxious.

We talked with Kathy Nimmer, the 2015 Indiana Teacher of the Year, to share some tips for parents that will lead to less anxiety and more productive conferences. Nimmer taught high school English in West Lafayette for 23 before taking this year off to travel the state.

• Parents: How To Do Your Homework Before The Parent-Teacher ConferecceIt’s the month for parent-teacher conferences, and the 2015 Indiana Teacher of the Year shares some tips for parents on getting the most out of the meeting.Download

Tip #1: Expect The Good

“Parents need to be expecting the good when they are entering a conference with a teacher,” Nimmer says.

She assures parents like Kent that whatever the teacher says comes from a place of wanting to help, which she says might make an unexpected conversation seem less like an ambush.

“The teacher is not an enemy, the teacher is part of a team,” Nimmer says. “This is all about celebrating the child and helping the child the conference will always go better.”

Tip #2: Take Some Notes

Nimmer says whether you’re talking about your child’s strengths or areas for improvement, the conference can go by so fast you might forget what you talked about, so write it down. Also, you might feel defensive about things the teacher said in the moment, but if you can review it later, you might see it differently.

“It’s important because the teacher has things to share but it’s also important for future interactions,” Nimmer says. “If there have to be more individual meetings or any other actions taken in the future, the framework has already been established in the conference. So knowing the specifics, tuning into them and taking notes is very helpful for that future interaction.”

Tip #3: Be Honest

“Not that the teacher needs to know every in and out of the home life, and the complications of family situations,” Nimmer says. “But if there are things going on at home that may be influencing things that are happening at school, then [be] honest that there is some trouble.”

Nimmer recalls a time she had a student who seemed disengaged and uninterested. During conferences that year, her parents disclosed that she’d been struggling with the upcoming anniversary of a family member’s death. Having that information helped Nimmer, who gave the student leeway with deadlines as the anniversary approached.

In the case of Kent and the teacher who thought her son was too immature for kindergarten, an honest conversation about how her son stayed home with her husband up until kindergarten might have helped the teacher understand why he was struggling to adjust to the routines and expectations of school.

Tip #4: Ask Questions

This is something Amber Kent hasn’t done before.

“We don’t go in with questions,” Kent says. “I don’t know what questions to ask. We just go in thinking they’re going to tell us what the child is doing and how their behavior is.”

But Nimmer says that’s not the right attitude. Don’t expect to sit back and get information, but ask for tips on improving the student’s understanding of a skill, or ask reactive questions when the teacher talks about what’s coming up in the semester.

“If I am explaining that we are going to be reading the classic book A Tale of Two Cities and it’s coming up and it’s a very challenging book, that parent might want to ask how are the choices made for what books are read at this grade level,” Nimmer says. “Or since you know it’s a difficult book what are some ways that your students have succeeded with it in previous years?”

Tip #5: Don’t Leave The Meeting Unsettled

“You may or may not like a particular teacher or may or may not like what a particular teacher said,” says Nimmer. “But do the best that you can as a parent to wrap things around to a positive close where at least you are thanking, you are showing appreciation for their time, you are perhaps setting in place a game plan.”

Everyone agrees the hardest part of a parent-teacher conference is just getting there. Many parents don’t make the time, but Nimmer says those who do will see the benefits, no matter what is discussed.