C4-2 (Fund Drive)

C4-2 , the new movie from director James Cameron, is more than just a sequel to the explosive hit C4. It is a culmination of everything we’ve learned about action since Rambo first strapped on the headband. At last, Hollywood has realized Aldous Huxley’s dream, set forth in his novel Brave New World, creating not a movie, but a "feelie": pure sensation, unencumbered by plot, character, or theme. I say it’s about time.

C4, as any child can tell you, is plastic explosive. Ace bomb squad captain Jack Fist (Nicolas Cage) is attempting to defuse 4,000 pounds of it. A madman, calling himself Mephisto (Robert DeNiro), has wired up a prophylactic factory to explode. His nefarious plan is that without contraception, more people will be born for him to kill. We wonder: Should Jack cut the white wire or the black? The black and white are a sophisticated and original metaphor for Jack’s dichotomous soul. Suffice it to say, he chooses wrong.

Framed for the ensuing population explosion, wanted by the LAPD, Jack is now a renegade cop. Since his partner was killed, the only person he can trust is the beautiful Heather McGillicutty, played with a convincing brogue by Jessica Alba, the finest actresses of her generation. She is a SWATINOBI, or Scientist With A Theory No One Believes In. Every computer around the world has received a mysterious email, from the Internet itself, which reads: "I think, therefore I kill."

Sally believes Mephisto has written a virus which has made the Internet into a self-aware artificial intelligence. And in three days, the Internet will cause evey computer in the world – laptops, digital watches, ipods – to explode.

C4-2 had a budget of nearly one billion dollars. Director Cameron worked in close cooperation with the Pentagon, shooting scenes in space, in North Korea, and at the bottom of the ocean. There’s a spectacular chase down the Champs Elysee involving a motorcycle, a helicopter, and a rickshaw. The action is all real. The actors, on the other hand, are completely computer-generated facismiles, allowing them to hit notes previously out of reach. But C4-2 , the most expensive movie ever made, is tanking at the box office. Apparently, audiences are confused about the hypen in the title. They think the movie is called C-42 , and they’re staying away in droves.

WFIU does not have a budget of a billion dollars. We rely on support from you, the listener, to provide the programs you like: Car Talk , All Things Considered , Ether Game , and reviews of theater, music, and movies. If you enjoy the work we do, please support WFIU by making a pledge. We’re waiting for your call. For our part, we’ll try to review better movies than C4-2 .

C4-2 is not playing in Bloomington, or anywhere else for that matter, because it doesn’t exist. Why not pledge your movie money for the week to WFIU? Reviewing fake movies for WFIU, this is Peter Noble-Kuchera.

Peter Noble Kuchera

Originally from Columbus, Indiana, Peter moved to Bloomington in 1998. He completed four years of film study at the University of Minnesota and two years of film production in the Film Cities in St. Paul. He began reviewing movies for WFIU in 2003 and began producing on-air fundraising spots for WTIU in 2006. In 2008 he received a second place award for Best Radio Critic at the Los Angeles Press Club’s First Annual National Entertainment Journalism Awards in 2008. Peter passed away suddenly on June 8, 2009.

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